January’s daily project – selfies

So in my post announcing my word for 2017 – I mentioned that I’ll be doing a daily project every month – so each month I’ll be doing something every day, a new habit or learning or whatever. Basically embodying and living my word for the year – B O L D.

So, here we are at the start of the year and so it begins. I’m going easy on myself and starting off with self-portraits. Hahaha. Not easy at all actually. Like many photographers, I’m just not a fan of being in front of the camera. Weird, right? Ha!

Actually, that’s not completely accurate. I think there have been times when I’ve loved being photographed. But for the last few years not so much. It’s not always about not wanting to be in front of it though, so much as having other stuff I’m far more interested in photographing. And really – there’s only so many photographs of a tired, bleary eyed mama in yoga pants and breastmilk stained t-shirt or hoodie that anyone needs in their life.

I have been noticing more and more though, how when we’re going through old photos, C asks where I was and I say, ‘I was there. I was just behind the camera.’ And then we’re both sad about it. So, no more. I’ve been making an effort to get into the frame more and including myself in group shots as well but this is a different.

I want to remember that I’m beautiful and that my beauty has naught to do with how I look, but more how I feel and how I project that into the world. So there it is. After all this, I may get totally sick of it and never want to be in a picture again. Ha! We shall see.

ajira-smiling-looking-down

The goal is to do 365 of self-portraits but if I just manage January, I’ll be pleased. We’ll see how I feel by the time February rolls around. Ha!

BOLD

That’s my word for this year. It was going to be forgiveness but it’s not, it’s BOLD.

B O L D

I’m going to be afraid of doing stuff (I know it) but this year I’m not going to let it stop me from doing it anyway.

bold

To start myself off, I’m working on one new thing every month, for every day of that month.

I’ll do a post at the start of every month talking about what the goal is and then at the end, another to talk about how I did. I’ll make a list below with links so you can see the whole year’s project in one place at the end of it all.

 – January –

 – February –

My word for 2017

So for the last few years, I’ve been choosing a word for the year that kinda becomes my theme, my thing to work or focus on for the year.

Sometimes I find it really helpful and it keeps me motivated but other years I forget about it or it gets too big, too scary, too overwhelming and then nothing comes of it. Invariably, in those instances, it just becomes one more thing to beat myself up about.

Sad face.

No more! For this coming year, I’m leaning toward ‘forgiveness’. Its something I think the world could do with a little more of and it would certainly serve me. Plus its definitely something I would like my children to be familiar with.

As someone* once said,

‘Resentment is like drinking poison and then expecting the other person to die.’

This is not something I want to keep doing and its definitely not something I want my children to learn from me. This Forbes article titled the above quote describes the cost of resentment well.

What many seem to fail to understand is that forgiving someone is not the same as accepting, condoning or colluding with someone or their actions. In fact, it is actually for you, not for the one you’re forgiving. It helps you to move on from the past, from holding on to the grudge and allows space for you to accept reality and make a choice that serves you.

Do it for you. You are worthy, you are enough. I am!

 

*I believe it was Malachy McCourt but I have heard it attributed to various sources over the years.

Big news – I’m pregnant!

As you may already know if you’ve spoken to me or followed me on any social media in the last six months – I’m pregnant!!!

Exciting and terrifying all at once. It’s been a bit of a ride really. Completely unexpected. In one of those typical (for my life at least) instances- I had finally made peace with the idea that it would be the three of us for a while. There were many seemingly reasonable reasons to wait – until we got settled, until things were calmer, until we were in a better rhythm… and then, bam!

I started throwing up and feeling generally sick – which at first we attributed to another big family event. But then my breasts started aching and feeling tender and that seemed much more likely to be related to something else. So I peed on a stick (why is that so much fun to do? Is it just me?) and lo and behold, I was pregnant it told me.

This time around is so different from the first. For many reasons. Including, of course, the fact that my first is around to witness it this time. I’ve been apprehensive for ages about the potential gap between my first and second. Before I had any children, I always thought the gap between my sister and I was perfect – 3 years.

Long enough for the first child to be mobile so I wouldn’t have to be lugging around two babes, but short enough that they would still be going through milestones fairly close together. As my first turned four and then five, I was disappointed that we were not going to have that gap after all. I worried that they’d be distant siblings because of it.

But so far, knock on wood, I’m revising my opinion. HRG is old enough to take a real interest in the process and understand a lot of it. He’s so curious about how babies are made, how they develop, what their needs are, how to take care of them etc etc that I’m really excited about what it’s going to be like once this foetus evacuates my womb and comes out into the atmosphere.

He’s always wanted a baby sister and as soon as we told him that we thought I might be sick because I was pregnant he’s been adamant that that’s what’s growing in my womb. On the way to Vons (a grocery store chain in Long Beach) that night to buy the aforementioned stick, he told us- ‘I really want a baby sister but if it’s a baby brother, I will love him just the same’.

What more could I ask for?

May the Fourth be with you

hello.

It’s been a while. How are you? Remember me? ha.

Today is #starwarsday It makes me laugh to just say May the 4th be with you. (Apparently I am still VERY easily amused). Quite appropriate. Perhaps later I’ll do my research and find out how this day was chosen. If you know, feel free to light up the darkness of my ignorance in the comments.

In case you’re wondering, I’m up in the wee hours because of heartburn. Pregnancy heartburn. Don’t tell me it means my foetus will be born with lots of hair. I’d rather they were bald, if that’s indeed the case. lol.

Anyway, I’ve been waiting pretty much since my first was born six years ago for him to be old enough to watch Star Wars with. I can’t remember when I first watched it but I immediately loved it. I’m sure he will too but I don’t know when the right time to introduce it is. What do you think? Have your kids watched it yet? How old are they? When do you think is absolutely too young? Or better yet, when do you think is old enough? I know a lot of it depends on the kid, and my instinct is that he’s almost ready. We’ll see.

And did you start at the very beginning? Or in the order the movies were released?

Important questions, huh? 😀

 

edited to add: I’ve added some links above to stuff you might find interesting and hey, you have GOT to check out the #starwarsday hashtag on twitter and instagram. So much cute stuff there.

Especially this:

 

It’s been a good long while…

So much to say… where to even start. I’m not sure. I just wanted to say hello. I’m still here. Just too busy in the midst of life to document it quite the way I’d like to. But you know me. Lots to say. All the time. For the last few months I’ve mostly been saying it on Facebook and Instagram. So come say hi there. And sign up to receive a notification from here for when I finally do start posting here again. Which will be soon, I promise.

What’s up with you?

Breastfeeding in Public

It was a thing six years ago, the first time I was breastfeeding, and I can’t believe it but this is still a thing now! I must admit though, that this time around I notice other people’s looks a lot less. Mostly because between the two kids I’ve no time to even wonder what other people might be thinking! LOL.

Anyway, this comic made me smile. It’s just spot on, isn’t it?

Carry on feeding your babies however suits you, mamas. I know you’re doing your very best!

nursing-in-public